I got chris browned last night
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
