Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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