there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
