I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
