I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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