She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
