I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
