Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
