38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
