i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
