he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
