I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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