Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
