so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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