I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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