Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
