Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
