I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
