I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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