You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
