high people should be assigned attendants
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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