I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
