everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
