I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
