Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
