So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
