Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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