I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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