i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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