I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
