genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
worst night to have a conscience
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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