thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What a fucking waste of an outfit
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
