I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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