Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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