Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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