Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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