Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
