someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
