she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
