Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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