Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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