Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
