I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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