That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We got so high we made milksteak
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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