yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
