I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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