Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize