I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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