apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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