Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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