im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
