he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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