I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
