I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
