so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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