Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
