Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
