youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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