This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
