Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
