chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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