Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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