Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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