I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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