i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
