ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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