So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
