Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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