I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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